i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
