Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
