It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
