I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
