..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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