i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I got inside last night via doggy door
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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