True but thats because hes a fetus.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
