Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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