there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
