if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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