marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
