you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
