walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
