I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
