i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
