I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
