This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My bed smells like the plague
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
