Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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