K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
