Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
