if i can run in heels then i can drive
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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