I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
