Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
