i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
