Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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