I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The Olympian is in my bed
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
