U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
