You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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