So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
