I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
