i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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