Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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