We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
