You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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