well I can't set my house on fire every night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
