When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
