you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
