You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
