the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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