And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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