I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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