Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
