Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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