The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
