Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
