just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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