There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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