it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
