who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
