That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I touched a dick in church today
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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